Mark Twain: “ Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime?”

Wings:

1. Unlimited Intellectual curiosity: damaged, but potentially restorable*

2. Unconstrained imagination & creativity: damaged, but potentially restorable*. 

3. Positive extracurricular successes : sports, school, Girl Scouts, church, etc.

Anecdote 2: My high school’s problem student, dropped out. Two years later I met him working at a local lumber store.

I asked the owner, my friend, how my problem student was working out. He beamed telling me how good he was. 

So, rebirth is possible, despite earlier damage.

 Rebirth is inherent in all of us.

 

 

Anchors:

   1. Humiliating academic results, low test scores self-worth damage, & an UNjustified belief you ACTUALLY have low intelligence & ability.

   2. Cynical attitude toward forced, memorization-based ‘learning’ VS.  useful, hands-on or self-taught info. 

   3. Contradiction between poor grades & school behavior vs success outside of school. (music, computer games, motorcycle mechanics, etc.) 

   4. Perhaps there is no trusted adult mentor.

   5. Passive parents: in spite of love.

   6. New or hardened prejudices without non-judgmental questioning of yourself, others, & knowledge/learning.

 

1. Family

 

I remember little of my teenage family years. 

My father was involved with professional associations, writing a B&W photography textbook & playing tennis. We did little together.

He bought a junker car for me to rebuild as my friend Larry Webster had done, but that initiative quickly ended and we junked it. I have always lamented that abandoned project.

Dad attempted to engage with my Boy Scout world as the Troop's bookkeeper, but I sensed he was uncomfortable with the camping that my WWII veteran Scout leaders excelled at.  I suspect his father treated him the same. 

My mother/brother cabal persisted, but I managed to avoid it with a part-time job at JC Penney, cross-country running sport, a girlfriend, and my own attic bedroom refuge.     I marveled at my father's stoic endurance of my mother.

She was definitely the prime reason I was 'obsessed & possessive' with girlfriends. but incapable of sustaining a relationship. Sadly, in many of my relationships I unfairly saw my mother in each woman. Sadly, with many girlfriends, I was haunted by the ‘desperate love’ that bound my father to my mother.        In retrospect, a terrifying obsessive compulsion addiction.

 

 

 

     Anecdote 1:  Mother's hypocrisy: Once I crept close to overhear my mother bragging my Boy Scout & Church success to her bridge club girls, then shortly after they were gone ridiculing me for something.          I learned ‘hypocrisy’ early on.

    Anecdote 2: Student Body President: When I decided to run for Student Body President my mother ridiculed my ambition, calling it foolish. Fortunately, my ‘character’ pushed me on. I almost won.😃

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     Anecdote 3:  One Saturday in the car with my Dad after my mother's particularly brutal physical & melodramatic attack the night before, I asked him why he did not divorce her.            He was too honorable to respond.

    Anecdote 4: Once I ran into the street screaming, “They’re fighting! They’re fighting.”        I was sorely frightened.

Unfortunately, my year-younger sister was a near-anonymous family member lost to me in my battle with ‘the’ cabal.  I was never a proper brother. Shame on me.

Sidebar: I felt alone at 4 yrs old when the war with my mother became evident to me. Yet, I desperately sought romance from my early teens onward, almost always destroying relationships for reasons I could/would not explain.

I returned early from my Dating Game trip because I felt hollow without a romantic traveling partner. It seemed a natural law of nature.

 

 

Same questions as 'pre-TEEN' above with only slightly different answers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. Did I, as a teen, understand any better my mother’s dislike of me? ..or why. 
                   Apparently not.

Only as an adult did I look back & guess the source of her low self-worth & tyrannical manipulation of an entire family. 

Perhaps, she resented my father's high respect & professional status. She physically & verbally abused this fine, noble, loyal man. I saw it, but could not understand it.

2) Did my mother’s hypocritical public applause of me coupled with her constant private denigration of me, even tho I excelled in all but academics, affect me?             Probably.

I knew she was many things Boy Scouts & church had taught me not to be: dishonest, duplicitous, phony, vindictive, selfish, manipulative, unfair, & violent.

I have been hypersensitive to those traits in others, particularly girlfriends. 

3) Did I understand my mother's enabling defense of my brother against me?

   I recognized her insidious favoritism but never understood why, EXCEPT one time when she commented to me that my "Brother had been a mistake." Perhaps her protectiveness of my brother & denigration of me was her coping mechanism.

I had learned to avoid conflict with them both, but I learned to quickly recognize the dark arts of hypocrisy, lying, another’s self-serving agenda & manipulation, etc. 

4) Did I recognize my family’s dysfunctional battleground?     Yes.

I recognized that my friends home-life was wonderfully pleasant, but I saw no options.

 

2. School

      a. Public High School:

Hating boring oppressive public middle/high school like a wild animal trapped in a cage, I reverted to my earlier academic failure & behavioral issues with massive smoldering family upheavals AND seeking solace with more rebellious friends. 

I started Each new school year enthusiastically, yet inexorably the grinding, slogging classroom boredom washed over me like heavy lava - depressing, stifling my optimistic intentions … except for Geometry which foreshadowed my future organizational & logic talents.

While this teen tale looks pretty pessimistic, ironically during this same period I became an Eagle Scout with a Palm, barely missed being elected as a high school president, and was head of my church group. When I told my mother I was going to run for high school president she ridiculed my intention.  Go figure. 

 

 

 

 

    -- My 'curiosity's rebirth:

In my middle-late teens, I realized that I had an inherent ‘curiosity”, but not for force-fed academics. Perhaps it was re-born by the many hands-on Boy Scout merit badges I achieved even if could not translate into academic achievement.

 

      b. Manlius Military High School

In desperation, my parents shipped me off to Manlius Military High School where I excelled within the military structure & regimentation rapidly rising to officer status, but alas, still struggling mightily with studies.

It was here I learned I could take responsibiity for myself & others, could act independently with confidence. 

           Anecdote: Major Middelton, the adult commandant over all cadets once ordered me as 2nd Lieutenant of my platoon to do something (can't recall) that would jeopardize the legitimate goals of my platoon. In UNmilitary fashion, I refused until he backed down & recanted. Even now, looking back, I am surprised that at 16 I had that much confidence & responsibility to my men. 

Finally, after an extra Manlius school year I graduated having performed well enough to get a rare Appointment to the new US Air force Academy.

     c. USAFA:

U. S. Air Force Academy (USAFA) is a great institution which taught me very powerful life lessons.

     1)  Anecdote 1:    "You never reach your limit?"

         After our Plebe (freshman) squadron's exhausting 2-hour run in the nearby hills, during lunch, an upperclassman jokingly asked me, "If I would like to repeat the run after lunch?" To his surprise, "I instantly answered, "Yes" and we did, ....both of us proving "You never reach your limit."

     2)  Anecdote 2:    "Defend your honor."

        Racing up several flights of stairs to sign in before being late from our Sunday leave, an upperclassman apparently yelled for us/me to stop. I never heard him. Later he filed an Honor Violation against us/me for ignoring his command forcing us to appear individually before the Honor Board. 

           Very little trumps the seriousness & fear of an Honor Board's inquiry which impliedly suspects you violated the Honor Code, and if so, expulsion within 24 hours. I was so scared that I remember ‘feeling’ like my body was slowly rotating in my chair.

          After their cross exam of me, I boldly replied, "If you think I am guilty, then I don't want to be part of this Academy." I was excused. Nothing was said again.

     3) Anecdote 3:     "Strive for excellence when required."

Perfectly shined shoes, room inspection's neatly folded underwear, precisely memorized military quotes, etc. was demanded; failure gave you demerits & hours marching with rifle on your shoulder. 

I have the highest regard for USAFA and its graduates, but my lack of academic skills could not be offset by my military enthusiasm. 

Also, after 2 years I realized I did not want a regimented military life.

          Anecdote 4:  "... don't question?"

At dinner, I challenged ‘something’ (regulation, practice etc - don’t remember). An upperclassman forcefully responded, “You don’t question. You just follow orders.”

I understood the need for that mindset, but it rankled me.

I shot pool for 2 weeks before exams to ensure I would fail & be honorably dismissed weeks later. Telling a lie (falsely saying “Yes Sir. I shined my shoes.” gets you dishonorably expelled next day.

Only much later would I fully appreciate the contradiction between my academic inadequacy and my rare & difficult-to-get appointment to USAFA. Yet, later I realized how USAFA had firmed my confidence in my capabilities.

          Anecdote:  Every few years for decades into my 60s I would have a dream in which the Academy was letting me back in to complete my 4 years.  Brain's lingering guilt asking me to re-evaluate my decision, or merely revisiting my earlier decision?

 

 

1. Did I recognize my academic boredom?

Yes! As earlier, I simply presumed, that my academic failure was an inherent, non-correctable personal defect. No light switch I could just flip to correct; a depressing force.

2. Did I yet ‘understand’ my father’s admonition that ‘getting good grades’ was the avenue to this ‘success’ he spoke of? 

I tried to empathize with father’s concerns on my behalf, but never understood his vision for my future ‘success.’

How could a teen ‘understand’ ‘success’ in some far off future's illusory career? It was not relevant.

 

3. Why didn’t the epiphany of my rediscovered curiosity translate into school greater academics success?

Boy Scout activities & Boy Scout hands-on Merit Badges I completed perhaps triggered my reborn curiosity & hands-on learning, but public school classes were too rigid, too forced memorization, too irrelevant and terribly boring.

4. Did I ever consciously think about the disconnect between poor academics & success outside of school?       NO!

I suspect I simply accepted my poor academics as a given, while I gravitated to outside pursuits I could enjoy & succeed at. 

5. Could/did I blame anyone?    NO!

I knew my mother/brother cabal made me a wary outsider within my own family. I didn't like it, but I didn't consciously blame anyone. Just my life. 

Sadly, my Dad, in a ‘last, everything must be discussed conversation’ a year or so before he died, asked me why I disliked my mother so.

I told him, “1. She & my brother were my enemies for as long as I could remember, and 2. You, Dad, NEVER defended me against her .” He nodded, finally realizing & apparently, hopefully understanding. He didn't need to apologize; just understand.

6. What key fundamental future factors should I have been considering?

I have no memory of thinking about my future perhaps because: 

     1) My parents never gave me positive encouragement, just dire warnings.

     2) Usually my mother bemoaned & sighed my inadequacies like parents of the handicapped might reluctantly do. 

7. Should/could I have imagined my future & self corrected? 

Briefly, I did, … kinda. At 17 FWTR I became enthralled with new U.S. Air Force Academy being built in Colorado Springs, applied & was accepted

 

3. Travel

 

 

 

 

 

Other than bus trips to Boy Scout’s summer camp,
no travel in my teens inspired travel in general.
Not a surprise really.

Travel Specific Questions:

1. Can a teen grasp the concept of foreign travel?    Certainly. Perhaps, based on subject matter & experiences they are exposed to.

2. Can a teen naturally develop a desire for foreign travel? Possibly.  Again, based on resources/media’s subject matter & experiences they are exposed to & naturally respond to without overt persuasion.

This can be greatly enhanced by student tours abroad, exchange student programs, family trips abroad and various classes: history, art etc., if interesting.

3. Can parents, teachers etc facilitate such a desire?        Of course.  Global issue discussions, international Netflix movies with sub-titles, Actual Travel: family, school group travel, exchange students & Media that explains & promotes foreign travel.